It's not a race to this career. It's a slow steady walk. Although, i feel like I have been trying to play catch-up for so long that even though it is walking I feel completely out of breath sometimes. I remember a few years ago when i had graduated from my undergrad, I was working at E-Children, I was happily in love and married, and yet felt no passion for life. I thought, "well, if i'm not going to believe in myself and my dreams, I might as well just have babies...and I can do it all at a discounted price!" Yes, a discount that Heidi got good use of! It was anna that lit the fire under my butt. Nicolai, so encouraging and supportive would've helped me get to the moon had I told him I wanted to be an astronaut. But he was in the same stage as I. Except being a man with his temperment, he just didn't go into the depths of despair and gain 20 lbs as i did. Well, Anna said, "You have education. You better stop being an idiot and USE that education."
I told someone this week that when someone challenges me like that, i often get a very deep gut reaction of nausea, because i know now I HAVE TO do it. It's strange that the same reaction I get to being challenged is often the same reaction to doing the right thing in a situation where i've done something wrong and need to make amends. Hmmm...there must be a clue in there somewhere?
The same type of thing happened a few weeks ago. From another Anna type...but this time, BreANNA. She said, "Mia, stop being stupid and go talk to Ted about becoming Countess understudy." I instantly felt sick and started crying. I had so badly wanted to get Countess in Le nozze di Figaro, and they didn't cast an understudy. I had entertained the thought, but was afraid for some reason to take the step and ask for it. Well, with my "it's now or never" attitude I stood up wiped my eyes, took a breath, and marched down to Ted's office. He wasn't there of course. So I camped there infront of his door. I wrote down my speech..."Hi Ted. I noticed you didn't cast an understudy for Countess and I was wondering if you might consider me for the job." Julie came down and I practiced it on her. Ted showed up. I gave him the rehearsed speech, and he didn't even hesitate to say yes...
Amazing.
So here I am. That was 3 Falls ago...I'm sure glad i found the passion. I've seen what living without passion was like for a brief moment. I did not enjoy it. It sucked me dry.
And the lesson that I've learned...listen to the people you love and trust. They can sometimes see the Road clearer than you can.
Thanks to all of you...
*mia*
